you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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