Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
