allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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