Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
