and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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