You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
