Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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