Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
