She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
