I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
