Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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