the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
