He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
