Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
