I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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