I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
