he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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