well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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