You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
