he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
