Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
