There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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