She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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