I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
