I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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