I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
