I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
