Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
