I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
