Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
