if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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