I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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