I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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