Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
