i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize