it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
