Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
