Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
