i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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