we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
