At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
