Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
