You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
