New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
