I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
