I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
