five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
