My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
