those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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