just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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