He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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