She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
