I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
