WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
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he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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