awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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