marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
