if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
50% drunk capacity currently
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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