just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
