We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
