I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
