i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
